Monday, June 25, 2007

Next Dream

Thanks for stopping by. This blog is now closed.

The dream continues at Lucid Dreamer - Part 2.

Enocia

Welcome to My Dream

Another blog, another dream. Well, it's about time I got down to the nitty gritty of dreaming.

All realities are dreams, meaning it makes no difference whether I am dreaming while asleep, thinking or having day-dreams, they are dreams, my dreams.

I am a Lucid Dreamer.

As a Lucid Dreamer I know my real identity is the clear awareness of light, the substance of all dreams.

As a Lucid Dreamer, I am always aware I'm in a dream.

As a Lucid Dreamer, I am aware that when I am dreaming it is my dream and I take complete responsibility for my dream.

It's fun to dream amazing and wondrous dreams.

Please note that the dreams I am sharing are my dreams only and not intended to instruct the reader in any way. Each of us is responsible for the dreams we have. We all have the resources we need to dream amazing dreams.

Much gratitude and love to Ben Gilberti for designing the fractal.

Happy dreaming to you all!

For my current and previous blogs see My Other Blogs.


Unless otherwise stated, all articles are copyright © 2007-2015 Enocia Joseph. You have my permission to copy and distribute articles for personal use only. Please include the link to the particular blog. For any other use other than personal, and any comments you might have, please email theoneinall@googlemail.com.

With love,
Enocia, the Lucid Dreamer

Articles in Alphabetical Order

--A--

A Dedication to My Beloved
A Dream is a Dream is a Dream
A Ladder is a Ladder is a Ladder
A Prayer for the New Age
A Real Hoot!
A Real Sweetheart
A Showcase for Greatness
Absorption
Aging is Unnatural
Ah, Tissue!
Aliveness
All Systems Go!
An Ocean of Love
Another Story, Another Dream
Attachment

--B--

Being Here Now
Being the Answer
Being the Answer - Part 2
Being Myself
Being Vector8
Black Comedy
Bliss
Brain of Britain, Not!
Bus Timetable

--C--

Cars are Lovely
Channel Hopping
Chuckle Vision
Collective Consciousness
Colonialism
Communion
Compassion
Consideration

Cover Versions
Creativity
Cute!

--D--

Delays are in Perfect Order
Devotion
Diplomatic Immunity
DIY (Do It Yourself)
Dominion
Dreamer and Stalker
Dreamer Without a Cause
Dreaming with Love

--E--

Empty Buckets
Energy Efficiency
Enter and Be Yourself
Excess Baggage
Expectation
Every Day is My Day!

--F--

Falling in Love
Faulty Reception

Feeling Turned Off
Fetch! Sit! Good Dog!
Films
Flying with Awareness
Forgiveness
Free Hugs
Freedom
Fulfillment
Full Circle

--G--

Genetic Modification (GM)
God Can Afford Everything
Going the Whole Hog
Great News!
Guardian Angels

--H--

Heaven is Living from the Inside Out
Helping Others Fulfil Their Dreams
Hugs and Kisses

--I--

I Hear You
I See Only Love
I Would Rather Be Myself Than Convert Others
Identity
In the Pink
In the Spotlight
In Your Dreams
Intercession
Is There Life After Death?
It is Impossible to Mark Love as Spam
It's All Done and Dusted
It's Like...I'm Possessed or Something

--J--

Joy to the Nth Degree
JoyFulness

--L--

Let's Get It On
Life is Like an Internet Forum
Lighten Up!
Living on My Own Planet
Location, Location, Location
Losing Myself
Love
Love Gives You Wings
Love In, Love Out
Love is All There Is
Love is the Lucid Dreamer
Love Will Come to You
Loving Myself
Loving What I Love
Lucid Dreamer
Lucid Dreamer - Part 2
Lucid Dreaming

--M--

Magic
Making Everything Up
Marriage, Affairs and Divorce
Me, Mine, My, Myself and I are One
Mirror Image

Moisturising Cream
Moon Landing
My Experiences and My Vision are One
My Feelings Never Lie
My Function and My Body are One
My Life is My Work
My Love Guide
My Whistlestop Tour of London

--N--

Nice Outfit!
Nice to Meet You Too
No Beginning or Ending
No Judgment
Not Again!

--O--

Oh No, Our Dream Has Come True!
Oh No, Sports!
On Earth as in Heaven
On Perfection
On the Spot
One Long Dream
Our Needs are Constantly Being Met

--P--

Paint It Black
Pandora's Box
Pay Attention to the Moment
Photos of Friends
Playing the Game
Post-It Notes
Preference
Priceless
Priority
Projection - Revisited

--R--

Radiance
Receive Now!
Reminders

--S--

Sexism is Dead!
Sharing the Dream
Shock Horror!
Song of the Day
Spams
Spirit Folk
Squeaking Alive
Starring in My Own Movie
Start as You Mean to Go On
Stay! Good Dog!
Staying Joined in Love
Such a Perfect Day
Super Powers
Symbols, Thoughts or Feelings

--T--

That Someday is Now
The Art of Dreaming
The Artist
The Dream of Losing and Finding
The Good Old Days
The Great Pretender
The Love Franchise
The Met Office Within
The Music of Love
The Naked Truth
The New Species of Man
The One Constant
The Ordinary is Extraordinary
The Power of Amnesia
The Presence - Where the Sun is Always Shining
The Problem is There Aren't Any Problems
The REAL Secret
The True Self
The Universe Gives and the Universe Takes Away
The Wonder of Creepy-Crawlies
Themes
There is Only One Lucid Dreamer
There is Only One Lucid Dreamer - Part 2
Thought of The Day
Thought of the Day - 2
Timelessness
To Everyone
Translation
Travelling Light
Trust

--U--

Universal Dreamers

--V--

Vivre La Difference!

--W--

Walking on Sunshine
What a Blessing!
What is Perfection?
While the Cat's Away, the Mice Will Play
Whiling the Time Away
Who is Dreaming Whom?
Why am I?
Why Some People Don't Want to "Wake Up"
With Gratitude
Word Power

--Y--

Yahoo is Love
You are a Wonder!

Yahoo is Love

A while back I thought how nice it would be to have more storage space on my Yahoo Mail. Soon after I noticed a message from Yahoo about how they were proposing to give everyone unlimited storage.

We now have unlimited storage space. Yahoo!

Yahoo is like Love. No matter how much love I give away I have tons more to give.

Thank you, Yahoo!

We love you!

Enocia

Related articles: Great News!; Infinite Self; What is Infinity?; Nothing Can Be Added To or Taken Away From Perfection

No Judgment

On the bus I heard the unmistakable buzz of a wasp though I couldn't see where it was. As I have no fear of wasps I went back to enjoying my journey. After a few minutes I heard the wasp again. A man sitting behind me speaking on his mobile phone swapped seats. A woman in front of me flinched away from the window. I patted her shoulder and assured her that the wasp wasn't going to hurt her. As soon as I said it, another woman sitting near the wasp hit it with a newspaper and that was the end of the wasp, but not its consciousness which is eternal.

I thought it was quite interesting how we had all reacted to the wasp based on our beliefs.

One passenger cringed at the sight of the wasp.
One passenger moved away at the sight of the wasp.
One passenger attacked the wasp.
I didn't mind the wasp keeping us company.

In that space where the wasp drama was occurring, I felt we were all accepted and loved regardless of our beliefs.

With love.

Enocia

Related articles: The Wonder of Creepy-Crawlies; Non-Judgment and Faith; A Reminder to Be Myself; Be Like a Chair; Heaven on Earth is Now; Guilt Complex; The One Self in All

Bus Timetable

I was sitting alone at the bus stop waiting for my bus for God knows how long; I don't wear a watch. I heard the Inner Voice say to me: "Get up, your bus is coming." Although there was no physical evidence of the bus, I believed in the Voice. I got up and took my bus pass out of my bag. After about 10 seconds I saw the bus turning round the corner.

Just because I can't "see" something doesn't mean it's not there. I simply need to trust in my instincts.

I am Time.

Enocia

Related articles: Masters of Time; Are You a Back-Seat Driver?; Seeing is Believing; My Alarm Clock

Devotion

Life is a paradox and then some.

On a programme my mother and I were watching on television, a dog jumped up at someone.

"That's one thing that's so nice about dogs," mum said, "they love you no matter what."

"Yeah, but dogs are capable of loving others not just their human friends," I said. "I've had dogs come up to me to play and lick my face even though I've never met them before."

"Yes, they do but that doesn't mean the dog loves you. Otherwise, the dog would be a traitor to his owner."

I didn't share my mother's views. I believed my mother was talking about personal love where you're expected to only love special loved ones or you're betraying their trust. I believe in loving many people. I let it go and we discussed something else. For some reason my mother's comment had touched a nerve. Why was I feeling this way?

I woke up in the middle of the night and I lay awake for hours. I listened to the inner sound in my right ear which lets me know when I'm tuned in with Spirit. I felt overwhelming love all around me. I kept thinking of someone I met recently, someone I care very deeply about even though we've only just met. I recalled my mother's comment and I realised that I did know what it was like to be devoted to someone. I was devoted to the man I was thinking of.

Before I went on the "spiritual path," all the relationships I've had have been what I would call "personality" types relationships. Even when I was in love it was based on fear and control. I wanted to be loved completely but then I couldn't trust in the love. When I did something he didn't like and he withdrew emotionally, it was very painful. After we split up and I focused on "awakening" I vowed I would never look to another for love. I would have to find that fulfilment within me.

When the Love within me awakened I knew myself to be Love and felt this flowing out into the universe. This Love doesn't play favourites, it embraces everything and everyone. I stopped believing in special love. Why love just one person when you can love everyone and experience love from all? I felt the same love for everyone including my mother, strangers, people I chat to in forums, people I get chatting to etc. While I have met people I felt a connection to based on our mutual love for God and walking the path, I didn't love them any more different than I do others. On the odd occasion, when I've sensed someone wanting to be treated as special I've backed away because I've known that what they were seeking was not love from me but the Love presence.

That doesn't mean I have not been in love, however. There are some guys I have fancied. I even experienced that feeling of being in love with a friend last year but it didn't work out. I wasn't crushed like I used to in "personality relationships." I simply channelled all the love into my writings and loving the universe. While I’m still friends with this man I don’t feel a strong love for him just an impersonal love that wants the best for him, like I do with everyone.

Here comes the paradox. While I’ve been experiencing only impersonal love, at the back of my mind has been a longing I’ve had to be with someone very special. Since I was a child, I’ve always known that I came into this human game with a partner. I knew that he was born in a white body. I knew he existed and that one day we were going to meet up. He was the man of my dreams. As I got older, I "forgot" about my "dream man." I guess I was caught up in education, finding a career, and day to day living. Like most women I was looking for my Mr Right and I went through the process of dating and relationships and getting my heart broken, or so it felt like at the time. I remember after I broke up with one boyfriend. I was so depressed all I wanted to do was sleep. Every time I woke up the pain was so overwhelming I consoled myself in sleep wishing I could sleep forever. In one dream I met this man who wore glasses. He had the most wonderful hug. He was so gentle and loving and I wanted to be with him forever. It was like coming home. Then I woke up and I realised it was only another poxy dream, which made me even more depressed. I wondered who the man was. Over the years I’ve had several dreams of this man. While his face keeps changing, the love I feel for him has been the same.

Early this year I got in a dialogue with a friend on the Internet and we discussed relationships. I said that I had always known there was someone I was meant to connect with that is right here on earth with me. He is the man of my dreams. I had this great longing to meet him. Was I ready to meet him? Then I realised I was ready. Being ready has nothing to do with what I've achieved in human terms or things that I have, but it's about being awake to my true self. Now that I know that the Love that I was seeking in relationships is who I am, I'm not looking to him for that love but to share my being with him. I know that no matter what choices he's made, he cannot pull me away from "my path" of Love as I am Love.

A while back a friend discovered my blog and got in contact to thank me for sharing. He shared his blog and we started exchanging emails. I liked what he had to say and admired how he was living his truth. We exchanged more emails and he even gave me insights to who I am being. The thought never crossed my mind that he could have been the one I had agreed to meet. Besides, he has his own "karmic" ties to deal with and the last thing I want is to get involved. After a few months we agreed to meet up. The moment I met him I knew that there was a bond that was far deeper than I've ever known. How can I feel such a special love for someone when in theory I am only capable of impersonal love? At the same time, I couldn't deny this feeling, this connection that I feel with him that goes beyond time, space, karmic ties and concepts of love. I have always loved him and will always love him. Now I know why my mother's comment about being a traitor had touched a nerve because I know what it feels like to be devoted to another.

One thing I know that no matter what we go through, the choices we make together or apart, he has my undying devotion. I am not going to define what this bond but I'm just going to trust my instincts on this. I love him because I love him.

Is it possible to have a special love and still love everyone? Yes. This special love I feel for my dream man doesn’t take away from who I am being. I still want the best for everyone. I am still committed to supporting everyone on their path. I still love everyone.

And yet, I am hopelessly devoted to the man of my dreams.

Enocia

Related articles: Pandora's Box; Loving What I Love; One Love, Many Guises and Special Relationships; The Power of Inner Silence

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Energy Efficiency

As I was preparing to hoover the carpet, I heard a tiny voice within saying: "Let us help you do it." Be my guest, I thought. God knows household chores is not something I'm crazy about, I just do it because it needs doing. So any help I can have is really appreciated.

I found I didn't have to be huffing and puffing pushing the vacuum cleaner the way I do sometimes. I just relaxed and let it happen and it felt like I was doing nothing, just pushing the hoover around and the bits and pieces on the carpet were bending over backwards to get into the hoover.

When I clean without help I feel physically sick after. It usually feels like I'm drained and I have this awful feeling in my stomach. Sometimes I have to rest for a few minutes. I have been told that the reason why I feel that way is I'm trying to be physical when there is no such thing. It's all energy, love, spirit; there is no effort in Spirit just being.

My mother also wanted me to help her repackage a cabinet she'd ordered which has a fault in it. Before we did, I asked my "friends" for their assistance and it was so easy, it felt like I was doing nothing.

While I was washing my face, the Voice said "let us wash your face." So I did. I even let them put on my makeup. Their touch was oh so gentle, it felt like I was being caressed. When I went to the shops they said they wanted to walk me to the shop and helped me carry the bag. In fact, they would like me to let them do everything.

As I'm writing this I'm aware that it is Spirit moving my fingers. It's all so effortless.

It would appear Spirit doesn't want me to stand on my own two feet at all but to let them carry me all the way. That is what I call energy efficiency!

In Spirit and Love.

Enocia

Related articles: You Do It!; Fitting a Square Peg into a Round Hole; The Personal versus the Universal Approach; Stop Trying So Hard!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

The True Self

He [Don Juan] had asserted that the physical body and the energy body were the only counterbalanced energy configurations in our realm as human beings. He accepted, therefore, no other dualism than the one between these two. The dualism between body and mind, spirit and flesh, he considered to be a mere concatenation of the mind, emanating from it without any energetic foundation.

Don Juan had said that by means of discipline it is possible for anyone to bring the energy body closer to the physical body. Normally, the distance between the two is enormous. Once the energy body is within a certain range, which varies for each of us individually, anyone, through discipline, can forge it into the exact replica of their physical body - that is to say, a three-dimensional, solid being. Hence the sorcerers' idea of the other or the double. By the same token, through the same process of discipline, anyone can forge their three-dimensional, solid physical body to be a perfect replica of their energy body - that is to say, an ethereal charge of energy invisible to the human eye, as all energy is. The Active Side of Infinity, Carlos Castaneda, p. 216
I believe that when people are seeking to love or are looking for fulfilment in their lives, they are actually seeking to know and be their true self. The only desire I have is to be my true self.

I believe the energy body that Don Juan is speaking about in the above quote is about the true self, the dreamer. As Don Juan puts it, the gap between the personality self and the energy counterpart appears to be "enormous" because people have been programmed into the belief that we are separate from love. Man seeks what he already is. To be the self is to live with the awareness that I live and have my being in Love. There is nothing but Love. I am Love.

With this awareness one's body literally transforms into Love. This Love radiates into the universe, transforming all in its path into Love. People who are sensitive and open feel this Love. It does get tricky when the Love gets mistaken as romantic love when it's really the love of the true self in expression.

There is no greater feeling than being and sharing the love of the true self.

I am Love.

Enocia

Related articles: Being Here Now; The Presence - Where the Sun is Always Shining; My Function and My Body are One; Awakening; Bonfire of Love; The Transmuting Fire of Love

There is Only One Lucid Dreamer - Part 2

On a bus trip yesterday a group of teenagers came on board. They were obviously out on the razzle giving that it was Friday night and no school the next day. They were very rowdy and teasing another girl for not having the "right" kind of hairstyle.

The truth of the matter is that though what I was experiencing seemed to be happening outside me, I knew that wasn't the case at all. It was all happening within me. The bus journey is one of my many dreams. Since I'm dreaming this dream I can dream something that represents who I am: love and peace. While my dream didn't change the girl's behaviour, it felt like water off a duck's back. I was in perfect peace throughout the journey.

As I was walking to the bus stop this morning, I saw a young woman running across the road and pulling her suitcase behind her. She looked distressed. She was screaming and shouting. As I drew closer I saw her speaking to two bystanders. She said her boyfriend had just beat her up and chucked her out and he had kept her hand bag. Up the road I saw a man, the boyfriend, clutching a plastic bag. As I approached him, I heard him saying to a few bystanders that his girlfriend was lying. He said the bag he was carrying belonged to him. One bystander asked him to open up the plastic bag so he could see whether the woman's hand bag was in it but he refused. He said that he would only open it if the police asked him to. He said they were welcome to phone the police.

I didn't feel there was anything I could do about the couple's row. I knew the bystanders would call the police if the need arises. The only thing I could do was acknowledge that Love is all there is. Love is embracing everyone, feuding couple and bystanders, with love. Then I went to catch my bus.

Love is the lucid dreamer.
I am Love.

Enocia

Related articles: Losing Myself; Consideration; Dominion; There is Only One Lucid Dreamer

Friday, June 22, 2007

Delays are in Perfect Order

The bus I was waiting for seems to be taking ages to arrive. Another bus arrived. I figured I would take it to the next stop and then catch other buses from there. It was then I spotted the bus I wanted arriving . I beckoned for the driver to stop but he drove right by. Brilliant, just bloody brilliant! Now I'm going to have to wait for another one. I decided to walk to the next stop. I noticed the bus I wanted was stuck at the traffic light. I motioned to the driver that he had not stopped at the last stop. He opened the doors to let me in and apologised for not stopping. Not to worry, at least I did catch it!

At my stop I thanked the driver and said goodbye. As I was crossing the road I saw a friend approaching me. Funny enough I thought about her only yesterday and wondered how she was. So that's why my journey was delayed, so we could link up. Why didn't you just say so, Universe? My friend and I chatted for a few minutes, hugged and said goodbye.

Even when situations appear to be chaotic, it's all in perfect order. Love is really all there is.

Enocia

Related articles: Who is Dreaming Whom?; Order in Disorder; Time and Timelessness; Waiting; Appearances Can Be Deceptive; The Problem with Judging By Appearances

Travelling Light

At the bookshop, I was pretending to be reading while I was actually having forty winks because the shop staff don't like their customers to use their store as a dosshouse.

To help me stay awake, I watched people walk back and forth to the toilets. Now the clever, shop staff have come up with a brilliant idea to keep all the waifs and strays out: they keep the toilet doors locked. Anyone who wants to use the toilets needs to ask a shop assistant for the code to open the doors. Since many people like to be discreet about going to the toilet, they're not going to ask for the code. It was quite amusing watching customers, who weren't in the know, go through the double doors only to return looking puzzled and disappointed. It was enough to keep me entertained and fully awake.

One such customer tried his luck but couldn't get in. As he walked by our eyes met and he smiled. I returned his smile. He walked away and then he was back. He asked me if I liked art. I said I did. He said he wanted to show me what he's been drawing. He said he has so much energy, he feels he needs to channel it somewhere. There were sketches of people and landscape. He also said he likes hanging out at a music store where he composes music on their keyboard. He asked me if I wanted to listen to his latest composition on tape. It sounded very good.

My friend asked me if I was reading anything interesting. I said I was just chilling. He said that we're in an age of information overload. Most of the time people don't need books but they buy them anyway. He used to have books of different subjects. He was so addicted to them he didn't have space in his bedroom. He used to cough and splutter because the books had collected so much dust, yet he couldn't get rid of them. He said it felt like he was pulling a sleigh of books behind him. He didn't want to give the books away because he didn't want to lumber anyone with them. He even had friends who volunteered to help him get rid of them but he didn't want to burden them with the task. It took him ages but he eventually got rid of all of them. He now feels so much better and lighter for it. He now has only a few books that are meaningful. He also realises that each of us has already got wisdom within them. it's a matter of going within.

I told him that many years ago, I had a friend whose relative bequeathed him a library of books, mostly classic works of literature. He felt they would come in handy for him as he was teaching literature at the time at the local college. When he moved I helped him pack his prized possessions into boxes, loaded them in a van, and moved them into his new flat. It was exhausting! Classic works or not I would have either dumped them or taken them to a charity shop. I wonder if he's still got those books.

Back to my friend at the bookshop. While we were chatting, I told him what the new shop policy was for using the toilets. He managed to get the code off another customer and he went to use it. I thanked my friend for sharing his art, music, and story with me. We hugged and said goodbye.

I agree with my friend that wisdom is everywhere present. All I have to do is just be still and wisdom comes flying towards me, effortlessly.

I love travelling light, me.

Enocia

Related articles: Love Will Come to You; The Universe Gives and the Universe Takes Away; Excess Baggage; Brain of Britain, Not!

A Dedication to My Beloved

I could write many poems about my love for you but today I would like to express it as a song performed by Barry White: You're the First, the Last, My Everything

Just for fun as you are JOY, here's a video Barry White in Ally McBeal. John Cage has always admired Barry White whom he uses to gain confidence. On his 35th birthday, his friend surprises him with a performance of Barry White and all his colleagues dance on stage with Barry White.

In this Ally McBeal video, John Cage and his colleagues dance to the Barry White Dance song.

Artist: Barry White Lyrics
Song: You're the First, the Last, My Everything Lyrics

We got it together, didn't we?
Nobody but you and me.
We got it together, baby.

My first, my last, my everything,
And the answer to all my dreams.
You're my sun, my moon, my guiding star.
My kind of wonderful, that's what you are.

I know there's only, only one like you
There's no way they could have made two.
You're, you're all I'm living for
Your love I'll keep for evermore.
You're the first, my last, my everything.

In you I've found so many things,
A love so new, only you could bring.
Can't you see if you,
You'll make me feel this way,
You're like a first morning dew on a brand new day.

I see so many ways that I can love you,
'Till the day I die....
You're my reality, yet I'm lost in a dream.
You're my first, my last, my everything.

[instrumental]

I know there's only one, only one like you
There's no way they could have made two.
Girl, you're my reality.
But I'm lost in a dream,
You're the first, you're the last, my everything. lyrics
I love you.

Enocia

Who is Dreaming Whom?

Two days ago I chatted to my mother about how millionaires pay less income tax because they know how to manipulate the system; at least that's what their accountants and lawyers are for.

On the bus yesterday morning, I met a woman who used to live in the neighbourhood. She was taking her kids to school. The last time I saw her and her two kids was last year on Christmas Day. She asked me if I was considering going on holidays this year. I said I didn't have any plans to. She said she and her husband are saving to go to the Philippines, where she's from. It was lovely to see her and her kids again.

On my way home, I fancied going for a long bus ride. I sat upstairs and enjoyed the scenery. When a passenger sitting in front got up to leave, I swapped seats as that particular seat has lots of leg room. During the journey, I day dreamed about a beloved friend. Suddenly, a newspaper fell on the floor, which jolted me out of my reverie. I hadn't even realised there were newspapers on the dashboard, at least the bus equivalent of one. How odd that only one of them fell on the floor. Come to think of it, it was as if an invisible hand had dropped it. A passenger on the other side picked it up and replaced it on top of the others. I'm sure that newspaper is calling out to me; I have a feeling there's an article I need to read. I picked it up. It was the "Evening Standard." Someone had obviously bought it, had a good read, and dumped it right there for my attention. The front page headline was about how millionaires avoid paying income tax, mirroring the conversation I had last night with my mother. Aha! How clever of the Universe to get me to swap seats and dump the newspaper on the floor so it would attract my attention. I'm dead impressed! I took the newspaper home for my mother to read.

Later in the evening as my mother and I were watching television, mum started channel hopping. I was attracted to a programme called "Thomas Cook TV," which I presumed was about holidays. I pointed this out to my mother. She said I'd reminded her about something. Before I left home that morning, she intended to ask me to look up flights and hotels on the Internet, as she and her friends are thinking of going away, but she forgot to ask me. She had it in mind to ask me when I came home. She said that at least the "Thomas Cook" programme had reminded her to ask me. When I went back to watch the "Thomas Cook" programme, I couldn't find it. It had already finished. It would seem the programme only caught my attention because I was picking up on my mother's intent. No wonder the friend I met earlier had spoken to me about holidays. It was all part of my mother's intent.

Hey, I thought I was the dreamer here! Who the hell is dreaming whom?

Enocia

Related articles: Love Will Come to You; Mirror Image; Universal Dreamers; Pay Attention to the Moment; Why am I?; There is Only One Lucid Dreamer; Sleeping Partners; Who is Really in Charge?; Who is Thinking Whom?; Trust in the Many Hands to Make Light Work

Thursday, June 21, 2007

On Perfection

So I noticed two spots on my arm. They weren't there a moment ago. Where did they come from? I squeezed one and that part of my skin flared up. Out damn spot, out I say! Hang on a minute! Why do I zoom into this teeny-weeny imperfection when the rest of my arm is flawless?

I put this question to my mother.

"Mum, I don't know about you, but I find I tend to focus on stuff that's not perfect like a spot instead of what is perfect. It's a habit I'm breaking out of though. Have you found that to be the case for you?"

"It's not just you, everyone feels that way. Look at me, I'm doing exactly the same." I noticed mum was squeezing a tiny pimple on her face.

"Well, I don't like tarring everyone with the same brush, that's why I asked you how you felt."

"Most people tend to focus only on their flaws," mum said. "Maybe, they think that if they focus on them they will be able to get rid of them."

"I find that when I focus on something it ends up being magnified and things get distorted. How do we expect perfection when we focus only on imperfection?"

"I guess you're right," mum said, as she continued picking on her spot.

"Well, from now on I'm going to only focus on things I like about myself like my nails." I said. "I love my nails!"

For me, being my true self is about loving and accepting all of myself, including the me that has a tendency to focus only on my physical flaws. I'm now open to see in a different way by focusing only on what I love.

I'd better check my arm one last time, just in case. :)

Enocia

Related articles: I See Only Love; With Gratitude; Loving Myself; Charity Begins and Ends at Home; Are You Trying to Open and Close a Door at the Same Time?; Through a Glass Darkly; I'd Rather Be Grateful, Thank You; Where Do You Focus Your Attention?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I See Only Love

Who says people in London are cold and unfriendly?

All I see is Love albeit impersonal Love. Impersonal Love manifests as courtesy, respect for one another, and the willingness to help one another when the need arises.

An elderly looking lady came on the bus with her Zimmer frame. When she was getting off, the driver let her off where she wanted to get off instead of at the bus stop. A passenger on the bus helped her get off. A pedestrian passing by also stopped to help the lady.

Now tell me there is no Love in London.

Enocia

Related articles: Consideration; Understanding; Acceptance

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Loving What I Love

In a reality TV show I was watching the other night, a couple were performing an acrobatic act that made my head spin from just watching them. After their performance, the man said he and his wife had had a lot of fun. Fun? You call that fun? You need your head examined, mate!

I've often wondered why I like some things and not others. If Love is all in all, why don't I like everything the same way? Why do I resonate with some people more deeply and not with others?

When I was a child growing up in Sierra Leone, I was raised on traditional dishes. I would say most of them are acquired taste. There were some dishes I loved, some that I grew to love over time, and a couple of dishes I didn't like at all. One of them was called Cassava Leaf, which is the leaves from a Cassava cooked with beef and eaten with rice. I must have taken one look and decided it wasn't for me. Unfortunately, I didn't have much choice about the matter; I had to eat what was in front of me or go without. My aunt used to do most of the cooking. At least once a week, or once every two weeks, I would be dreading having to eat Cassava Leaf. I used to just bolt it down with copious amounts of water and pray that it stayed down. I always vowed to myself that when I grew up I would only eat what I love.

When I came to England in my late teens, I never ate Cassava Leaf again. When mum cooked it I wouldn't have any. When I left home, traditional African dishes were the last thing on my mind. Besides, I didn't know how to cook them anyway. I stuck to what I do best: beans on toast, pasta and stews.

The interesting thing is that I wasn't raised on curry. It was only when I started going to Indian restaurants in London that I tried curry, which I grew to love. I was never raised on Chinese food yet I grew to love Chinese food. I wasn't raised on chips, British chips, but I love chips. So how come I couldn't like Cassava Leaf?

Recently my mother was thinking about cooking some Cassava Leaf sauce. I told her I wouldn't be having any. She said I'm always harping on about "that was then, this is now." I could at least try it and see if I still feel the same way, after all I'm not the same person I used to be then. I said to her that if I tried some of her sauce she was going to have to try some tissue paper, which I love eating. She said she wasn't that desperate for me to try her sauce.

So when mum cooked the dish I tried some. I was very careful to have only a few grains of rice and some sauce. I wasn't disgusted by it as I used to be as a child, but it still didn't do anything for me so I thanked mum and said I would be having beans on toast for my dinner. At least I did give it a go.

Now there are millions of Sierra Leoneans who love Cassava Leaf and good luck to them. At least it shows it is a dish worthy of people's love but not mine.

While I realise all is Love, I don't apologise for loving who and what I love.

I love you and you know who you are.

Enocia

Related articles: Preference; Making Everything Up; Being the Source; Do What You Love and Love What You Do; Oneness is Not Sameness

Mirror Image

As I was crossing over a road I saw a car approaching me, which made me step back for a moment. The car also stopped. Am I dreaming? I could have sworn that car took a step back in its own way. Then I beckoned the driver to drive on but the driver beckoned me to cross over. It was as if we were playing a game of mirrors when the universe is mirroring exactly what I'm doing. I step back, car steps back; I beckon car; car beckons me. Blimey!

Actually, I've observed that the universe mirrors my every move. Whatever I'm thinking or feeling is mirrored back at me. Sometimes, just for fun, I think of an expletive and the next thing you know someone else is saying it out loud. Bloody hell! Ooops!

It's funny how there are so many techniques out there for manifesting what we want when it's so easy to simply be what I want to experience and it's mirrored back at me.

Isn’t life wonderful?
Isn’t life wonderful?

Oh, shut up!
Oh, shut up!

Smart Alec!
Smart Alec!

I love you!
I love you!

Grin.
Grin.

Enocia

Related articles: I Would Rather Be Myself Than Convert Others; Symbols, Thoughts or Feelings; Smile and the World Smiles with You; Life is One Continuous Beam; Kaleidoscope; Don't Worry, Be Thankful; Echo, Echo - Part 2; Echo, Echo; The Mirror Image Experiment

Monday, June 18, 2007

Chuckle Vision

I was telling my mother about how I had watched Paul Potts performing Nessum Dorma on YouTube.

"What, you watched Pol Pot, the evil dictator from Cambodia?"

"No, mum, not Pol Pot," I chuckled, "Paul Potts from Britain's Got Talent!"

I can't imagine Pol Pot taking part in a reality TV show, unless he wanted to create a new reality by having the contestants eliminated for real. :-)

Thanks, mum, for the chuckles!

Enocia

Related article: Black Comedy

Love Will Come to You

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6: 33
A while back I met this guy who said to me "Don't go looking for love, love will come to you." He repeated his message a few times until it sank in.

Earlier today I met an Internet friend in person for the first time. It was lovely to meet him. He told me he was interested in publishing my stories in a book. While I have yet to decide whether this particular publisher is the right one for these stories, at least his intention demonstrates my friend's message: "love will come to you."

In any case, I've always believed that the stories will attract a publisher that resonates with them and they will be published effortlessly.

However life unfolds, I know Love will come looking for me because Love always attracts love.

I am Love.

Enocia

Related articles: Let Life Happen; Everything You Want, Wants You; Trust in Love to Sort out the Details; Meeting with Friends; The Path of Receiving; What's the Magic Word?

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Pandora's Box

Many moons ago I met this young man at a healing workshop. It was love at first sight for me. Well, I discovered he felt the same way. I enjoyed flirting with him during the course and it felt great. I put out an intention to spend time with him at the end. The Universe arranged it where my friend asked him to join us for a drink. It was heavenly.

The only snag was I wasn't in the position to have a relationship. At the time, I was preoccupied with courses, changing life direction, and self-discovery. So was he. But I couldn't get him out of my head. Fortunately, I'd learned how to erase troublesome thought forms so I did. I erased the romantic thoughts I had about him. After that I felt at peace. It was as if the tap had been turned off.

The next time I saw him he was very aloof. He said he didn't want to be distracted and he preferred to focus on his studies. Bloody cheek! At least it showed I had successfully erased that thought form. I still think of him from time to time and wonder how he is. I don't imagine an alternative reality of us being together though because I'm totally present here. I do wish him well.

Last year I fell in love. I, Self, warned myself beforehand that I was going to experience what I'd always dreamed about. Soon after, a guy who I'd been platonic friends with told me he was seeing me in a different light. I felt the same way and bang, we were in love. We experienced that euphoria for one night only, holding hands, snogging, and gazing into one another's eyes. We didn't have sex though. The whole thing blew up the next day and we realised it was best to stay friends.

Although I felt sad about not being able to pursue the relationship, it wasn't a "I can't live without you" sadness, thank God. I knew I was no longer capable of getting depressed the way I used to after a relationship ended. I'm way too comfortable being by myself to get that low. What was new about this was it had opened up Pandora’s Box for me, but in a very good way. I always thought I had a lot of love to give, which I express in writing. I now realised I had so much more. I was like a love-sick puppy wanting to see my friend but he was away at the time. I channelled all that love into writing. I saw only love; I felt only love; I knew only love; I wrote only about love.

I met someone recently who I feel that intensity of love with. Here we go again, the floodgates have opened even further. It feels like joy, goodness, happiness, laughter, friendship, bliss, ecstasy all rolled into one. I love feeling it, it's all around me, it's all me; it's all love.

What to do with all this love?

Yesterday, I noticed someone had left a comment in response to a post I wrote years ago at my Power to Share blog. While I was responding to the message I felt this rush of Love pouring out. At least that's how I can use the love. Either that or I could go hug a tree or something. :-)

I am boundless Love.

Enocia

Related article: Marriage, Affairs and Divorce; Continuity; Endless Love

Black Comedy

On the bus yesterday I eavesdropped two guys having a conversation, well one guy was doing most of the talking. He said he used to live in London but couldn't deal with it because London was too crazy for him. That piqued my interest because I love London. I was curious to find out why he had that perception of London.

The young man had a way of describing things that made "horrible experiences" sound like comedy. His life was basically one long black comedy.

He said what prompted him to leave London was when someone threatened him with a gun. So he got himself a sawn-off shotgun and went to the boy's house. He knocked on the door and the boy's father answered. He said he was there to return his son's favour.

"What did the boy's father do?" the other guy said.


"He beat the shit out of his son right in front of me." he chuckled. "I even became friends with his dad. About six months later I met up with the boy and he thanked me. We hugged and we made up."

The young man said after that experience he left London to live in Hertfordshire, where he's been living with his fiancée. They haven't been getting on recently so both are cooling off with their parents, hence his visit to London.

He said he could understand people who have a hard life. He's had a hard one; he's one of a family of 12 brothers and 4 sisters. (The guy he was talking to asked him if he was Italian because he looked it, but he said he was pure English). He said one of his brothers has been thinking of getting a gun. He said he told his brother that if he ever bought one he was going to shoot him with it just to teach him a lesson. Hahaha.

He talked about the gangs in a place called Ilford where there are many Asian youths. (In the UK, the term Asian refers to Indian Sub-continent origin). He said they all carry guns. Once he said he was with his fiancée and his sister. An Asian guy tried to chat up his sister. She told him to "fuck off!" The guy was really pissed off and slapped her face. He went livid, pulled the Asian guy out of his car and punched him. Then all hell broke lose. He claimed sixteen Asian guys appeared and he got into a fight with all of them.

(I reckon my friend was exaggerating slightly but it did sound funny though the way he was describing it).

Anyway, he said they kicked and punched him and each time he got up he got more beatings but he wouldn't stay down. When the police arrived they asked him why he hadn't stayed down. He said because he had no intention of going down without a fight.

Soon the other guy he'd been chatting to on the bus got up to leave. It turned out he had only just met him on the bus. His parting remarks to him was "You seem to get into a lot of trouble. Look after yourself."

"If trouble comes, it comes," he said and said goodbye.

What a guy!

It's interesting that I've been to Ilford many times and I've never had that kind of experience. I guess I don't move in the same circle as my friend. No wonder he can't stand London. Still, at least he hasn't lost his sense of humour. He is a joy to be with, even if I was only eavesdropping.

The guy on the bus reminded me of two friends I met a while back. They said they lived in a part of London where there are always shootings. They've never actually experienced it but they've heard about it. I reckon with all their time spent theorising about stuff (they are both university lecturers) they're hardly going to have that experience.

"I reckon they'll take one look at you and leave you alone," I said to one friend.


"Yeah, it would be a waste of their bullets killing me," he chuckled.

Humour enables me to see the human dream as it is: a stage with the many players, to paraphrase William Shakespeare.

Enocia

Related articles: The REAL Secret; DIY (Do It Yourself); I Love London; Playfulness; When Being Good is Not Enough

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Nice Outfit!

Last night I felt kind of flu-ey. I haven't felt that way in ages. Was it love sickness, I wonder?

I imagined myself as Light and then I stretched my hand and put on some clothes. What do you know, my clothes were my body, and all forms in the universe!

Nice outfit!

And I felt a lot better for it.

Enocia

Related article: All is Light and Light is Love

Marriage, Affairs and Divorce

When I was in my twenties I had an affair with a married man.

I never felt that we were doing anything wrong,. As I see it, we were two beings appreciating and loving one another in our own way. Although I occasionally felt jealous and wished he wasn't married so we could spend more time together, I knew that was never going to happen. He wasn't about to jeopardise his lovely wife (not that I ever met her), his two kids, his nice home and whatever choices he'd made up, for me. It wasn't that kind of relationship anyway. I was a student at the time and not having a clue what I was going to do next after my degree. He already knew what he wanted out of life.

One of the gifts he gave me was encouraging me to appreciate my sexuality and my femininity. I am eternally grateful for him for that. Eventually, our relationship fizzled out, or I started seeing someone else. It was fun while it lasted though.

After that affair I vowed never to get involved with another married man; I wanted a partner who could commit to me. So I dated single guys after that. Alas, my vow didn't last because I ended up having another long-term extra-marital affair. This time, it was I who was married and having a relationship with someone else.

When I say I was married, I wasn't married in the traditional sense. Marriage, for me, symbolises my relationship with the world. I was married to the world's ways with its' beliefs and conditions of how to live. Although I was desperately unhappy in that marriage, I couldn't quite extricate myself from the marriage. I finally came to a conclusion that I didn't want to experience what the world had to offer anymore, I wanted out. It was then I met the Love of My Life.

Actually, I was already aware of the Love of My life whom I'd met lots of times in meditation and in my sleeping dreams. When I was one with Him, I didn't want to return to this waking reality. I wanted us to be together forever. Yet, I couldn't quite work out how to experience Him in this reality.

One day I met a man who I knew I wanted to be with. The moment I gazed into his eyes, I saw my true Self, the Love of My Life, looking back at me. I knew that I had to be with Him. I needed to be Him. This is when my extra-marital relationship began. Self wanted me on His terms but didn't put any pressure on me. I had to decide whether I was willing to let go of the me that was based on the many beliefs and conditions in favour of my true self. I felt this inner conflict: I so wanted to be my true Self, yet I couldn't help but being attached to my worldly husband.

In the meantime, the relationship I had with this man reflected the battle I had going on within. Sometimes we were very happy and other times it was total misery. I felt I was being pulled apart. Part of me wanted to marry this guy and even entertained the idea of having kids, and another part of me thought that wasn't right for me. Eventually, the decision was made for us: my boyfriend returned home to Australia, where he was from. We tried to keep the relationship going. I even paid him a visit in Australia but it didn't work out. We decided to split up.

I was devastated when I split up with my Aussie boyfriend because I thought he was the One. It took me a while to let go of that relationship. At the back of my mind, I knew that there was something else I was meant to be doing. I now realise that I was being asked to commit to being my true Self, whose way is not the world's way. I started opening up to being the Self. It felt like I had finally made the commitment to divorce my worldly husband and focus on being at one with my true Self.

Over the years I've met men who have been interested in having a relationships. I have felt like they could never quite measure up to my true Self's yardstick of Love. I have no interest in having kids either. My only interest is being the Love that I am and being true to myself.

For instance, a few years ago I met this guy and we became friends. Last year, we fell in love; at least the euphoria of that romantic love lasted for a whole day. We realised the very next day that it wasn't going to be a match made in heaven. My friend believed our thoughts were too different and we'd only make each other miserable. I believe what he meant was we are experiencing the world from different paradigms. While my friend would like to commit to being his true self, he was very much married to the world; I don't fancy having a relationship with him on that basis. We are now loving friends who meet up occasionally to share what we're being.

Going back to the affair I had in my twenties. I'm wondering whether my friend was with me because he felt free. When he was with me he didn't have to worry about mortgage, family or anything. He could simply be himself. This could very well be why people have affairs. Unfortunately, most people tend to want the one they're having an affair with to get a divorce so they can get married and then have a family, a house, pets etc. In other words, exchanging one set of baggage for another.

Don't get me wrong, I don't see anything wrong with marriage and kids, but I would rather choose to be with someone in order to share my true self. I don't feel I could give that kind of a commitment when I don't even know who I am. How can I truly love someone for who he is when I don't love and appreciate myself?

Right now I'm happy being mySelf. Self is taking me on a never-ending journey of self-discovery. Part of this journey includes being a parent to myself, allowing myself to be nurtured and loved, and letting go of beliefs that do not reflect my true Self. I am 100% committed to being Self.

I'm very much open to having a relationship with a male partner. When I do get involved it will have to be based on loving the way I love myself - loving without conditions. I hope he feels the same.

I love Self.

Enocia

Related articles: Identity; Loving Myself; Marriage; Commitment; To My Beloved; One Love, Many Guises and Special Relationships; Some Thoughts on Meditation - Haha; The Point of No Return; Coming Home; Expecting a Cat to Behave Like a Dog

Friday, June 15, 2007

Projection - Revisited

Last night I watched another reality TV show called Britain's Got Talent. Before the contestants went on stage, the presenters asked them if they were nervous. Some of them said they were, imagined worse case scenarios, and hoped their fears wouldn't come true.

Producers like their shows to be challenging. If everyone is feeling confident there wouldn't be any tension or drama. Where there is no drama, there is no audience. No audience means no show, and no jobs for producers. To ensure there is drama you have to encourage contestants to feel the fear, project it and then go for it. Audience get their entertainment and everyone's a winner. Well, not quite, as there is usually only one winner.

Of itself, projection is neither good nor bad it's how I use it that counts. I could use projection to experience fear, drama or harmony. When I am projecting fear or harmony into the future, I am dreaming.

Let's say I believe I am lacking something. Because I am not seeing the evidence of whatever it is I believe I'm lacking, I project my anxieties about my lack into the future. When the next day arrives and the problem still hasn't been resolved I panic and project my fears again to the next day...and so it goes on. While I'm busy dreaming, I can't see what is right under my nose. That's one way of using projection.

On the other hand, I could use projection to experience happiness by hoping for the best in every way. Even when appearances would have me believe otherwise I could hope that wonderful things are happening. My hope becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and I end up experiencing a reality where life is constantly working out for the good of all.

Another option is I could simply focus on what I believe to be true. For me, omnipresent Love is my foundation. Where there is only Love, what need do I have to be fearful about the future when Love is already present? Love is the past, present and future.

Love is always active and working out for the good of all for all time.

Now that's my idea of projection!

Enocia

Related articles: Nice to Meet You Too; Such a Perfect Day; There is Only One Lucid Dreamer; Light is All and in All; Time and Timelessness; Love is My Foundation; The Time Machine; Breaking Out of the Projection Habit; The Will to Do Good; The Future is Joy

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Paint It Black

One of my favourite songs is Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones. I love that it is dark and moody. Mick Jagger's tone captures that darkness perfectly. The song reminds me about when I used to be depressed. Everything around me seemed black.

Why do I like a song that is so moody? Let's examine part of the lyrics:

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love, both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ryday

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black Paint It Black
I believe "Paint it Black" demonstrates the many masks there are. Masks are rather like smilies one can use to express different states of mind. These states are transient and cannot conceal reality. If reality could be concealed, the person in the song wouldn't be able to see the red door and the colours he wanted painted black because of his mood. He wouldn't be able to see the girls in summer dresses. He also realises that despite his dark mood there is hope.

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not forsee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin sun
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes
Love is always there to remind the wearer of the mask who he really is - Love.

Thank you The Rolling Stones for a cracking song and video! Love it!

Enocia

Related articles: Nice to Meet You Too; Love In, Love Out; Masks - Part 2; Masks; What Seems to be the Problem?; House of Mirrors; The Artist; The Future is Joy; Life is Art

See also Lee Mead - Paint It Black

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

In the Spotlight

"You are a creature of light. From light have you come, to light shall you go, and surrounding you through every step is the light of your infinite being." Messiah's Handbook, Richard Bach
On my way home yesterday evening, I saw myself taking the bus I was in all the way to the last stop, which is a detour from my usual route. Then I saw myself crossing the road and sitting at the bus stop. Even though it didn't make any sense why, I followed my inner vision and stayed on the bus. I had a feeling I was about to show myself something.

At the last stop, I crossed over the road and sat at the stop and waited for my next bus. A bus was parked right opposite. My attention was drawn to light flickering on and off. I couldn't tell where the light was coming from. Every time the light came on, it made the redness of the bus a lot brighter compared to when it wasn't in the spotlight. It was as if I was seeing the bus as it truly is.

The universe is a vast studio with light emanating from all corners of the studio. The light's purpose is to put me in the spotlight and make me look good. I like the sound of that.

Lights, camera, action!

Enocia

Related article: A Showcase for Greatness; Identity; The Presence - Where the Sun is Always Shining; The Weaker, the Stronger; The Studio; Through a Glass Darkly

A Showcase for Greatness

As I was walking to the bus stop this morning, I walked right into a spider web. Oh I get it, you wanted to show me your web, didn't you spider? I wouldn't have noticed it if it wasn't all over my face. With such a spinning talent you would make a great prime minister. Thank you, spider, for sharing your own unique gift with me this morning. I will treasure this moment forever, not!

I believe we are all geniuses and here to showcase our unique talents. By talent I mean that each of us has a unique way of expressing ourselves as the infinite free spirit that we all are. We are here to share who we are being.

I've just been reading my friend's journal called Dialogue for Cultural Literacy to which I contributed an article. I was very impressed with it. My friend has a great talent for bringing people together to showcase their talents.

I believe life is a showcase for greatness.

I love sharing my greatness with all.

Enocia

Related articles: Sharing the Dream; Universal Dreamers; DNA; False Humility Versus Meekness

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Hugs and Kisses

I was on my way to meet an Internet friend in person for the first time and I was looking forward to seeing him.

During the bus journey, I imagined myself kissing passengers on the bus and people I could see outside. I stroked their hair, kissed their cheeks and hugged everyone.

When I met my friend the first thing he gave me was a nice warm hug. It was as if we'd known each other forever. Actually we have known each other forever, we were just pretending we were only meeting for the first time. We went to a local coffee bar. He was easy to be with and fun to chat to. Then he had to go back to work. We arranged to meet up later.

In the meantime, I went to the local bookshop to browse but nothing appealed to me. I decided to go for a stroll in the park nearby. During my walk, a young man approached me. He told me he really liked me. Could he walk with me? I said I didn't mind. He held my hand and stroked it while we walked. He asked me where I was from. He said he was from Lebanon but lives in the local area. After a while we sat down. He kissed my cheeks and my neck, and he stroked my hair. He whispered in my ear that I was beautiful. He even wanted a full on snog but I pulled away. He asked me to go out with him but I said I wasn't available. He asked for my number but I told him I didn't have a mobile, which is true. I must be the only one in London without a mobile phone. I asked him to write his number down knowing full well I had no intention of calling him back, poor sod! We hugged and I kissed him on the cheek and I said goodbye.

That's it, no more fantasising about kissing and hugging people because I only end up with grief.

On my walk I was attracted to a squirrel chomping away at some nuts. Two young guys approached. One offered the squirrel more nuts. The squirrel approached him tentatively. He asked me whether it was safe for the squirrel to approach and I said it was harmless. My friends introduced themselves to me. Both guys were from Hungary; one was working in London and the other was just visiting for a few days. We chatted for a while. One friend shared some of his nuts with me. The other friend offered me cigarette but I said I didn't smoke. I told them I didn't mind if they smoked. They told me about where they were from, which is a lot smaller compared to London. They said they liked London because it was full of beautiful girls. They told me about a night club they went to recently, which was basically a strip joint. I teased them about ogling girls. After a while I said goodbye and wished them a good day. I was relieved that they didn't want to kiss me.

After a few minutes I heard someone calling me. Now what? It was my Hungarian friends. They asked if they could pose with me and have their pictures taken, which I did. I took a picture of both of them then I said goodbye.

I met my friend later after he'd finished work and we went for a walk at another park. We sat in front of the lake. I fed the pigeons the nuts my Hungarian friend had given me earlier. My friend and I shared experiences and realisations. It was also lovely to share parts of the park he'd never seen before including the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain and the Albert Memorial. It was a joy being with my friend who is very warm and affectionate.

Later on my bus home a young man came on and sat beside me. "Hello beautiful," he said. Oh no, not again! Fortunately I was getting off at the next stop. I only had time to tell him my name and I was off. Just as I was about to wave goodbye I heard someone calling my name. It was the same guy. He had got off the bus. Bugger! He grabbed my hand and asked if he could come home with me and I said no. He was Italian and very cute. I am a sucker for Italian men, mama mia! He gave me a big hug and kissed my forehead, cheeks, neck and pecked my lips. We hugged until my bus arrived. Before I said goodbye I told him I couldn't possibly go out with him because I had a boyfriend. Well I had to make something up otherwise he would have got on the bus with me.

As I see it, the hugs and kisses I received demonstrate my belief that only One exists. When I imagine myself kissing someone I am kissing myself. It's strange though how only young men are open to play that game. I'm obviously projecting an image of myself as a young, heterosexual, attractive female, which is going to attract attention from young men. It's all fun and games anyway.

Hugs and kisses to all.

Enocia

Related articles: The Great Pretender; Free Hugs; The Presence - Where the Sun is Always Shining; If At First You Don't Succeed, Lie Again; One Love, Many Guises and Special Relationships; As I Love Others, I am Loving Myself; As High as a Kite; Cherished Memories

Monday, June 11, 2007

Being Myself

I have observed that so many people spend time wishing they were or could be like someone else instead of appreciating who they really are.

While there are people I admire, I would never want to be like anyone else. I am happy being me and only me.

I love being the me that's always been and will always be.
I love myself.

Enocia

Related articles: Loving Myself; Being Vector8; Staying True to Self; My Function; Charity Begins and Ends at Home; My Book of Life; Be True to Yourself

Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Naked Truth

So I told my mother I was going to hang out at the Southbank where there were going to be festivals celebrating the reopening of the refurbished Royal Festival Hall building. I said if she fancied it, she could join me at the library and then we could go together. Mum turned up all hot and bothered and said she would like to sit by the river, which she was hoping would be a lot cooler.

On our way to the bus stop we spotted the bus we wanted but it was too late to catch it. While we waited another bus turned up. Mum said "On your bike, we don't need you," which made me chuckle. By the way, "on your bike" is Brit speak for "go away!"

The Southbank was heaving with people. The promenade by the river was also crowded. We decided to relax on a comfy sofa upstairs in the Royal Festival Hall and then decide what to do next. There was a concert going on in the hall close by. Mum didn't fancy it, she was just happy to people-watch. When the concert finished we watched the audience milling around. A little girl caught our attention. She had taken off her dress and only had her panties on.

"There's someone who is not self-conscious at all about showing her body," I said to mum.

Mum agreed. I thought about what it would be like if people didn't have inhibitions and undressed when they felt like it. I imagined all these naked people around me. There wouldn't be any need for naturism.

Mum suggested we leave at a certain time as there was a programme on television we both wanted to watch. I said we had loads of time and suggested we leave thirty minutes later. She agreed.

Finally, we headed for the bus stop. While we were waiting I noticed some police bikers. What's going on? Soon there was a whole group of cyclists. These were no ordinary cyclists, they were cycling naked. Nah, I must be seeing things! Nope. It was some kind of a protest and majority of the cyclists were in their birthday suits. I took a flyer off one naked cyclist which read:

"This is a worldwide naked protest against the destructive effects of oil dependency and car culture. We ride in celebration of the human body, and the bike." World Naked Bike Ride UK
Blimey, these riders have got balls, literally! There were balls (and boobs) of different shapes and sizes bobbing around. Us spectators had a ball. I also found it amusing that I had been fantasising about naked people and I got to see naked people in abundance. A few naked cyclists were chanting "On your bike!" Is there an echo or what?

This is my idea of heaven, where everyone has the freedom to express their beliefs any way they choose. Some protests can be very entertaining indeed.

Right then, I'm off to enjoy the dream. I assure you I won't be taking my clothes off today; I simply haven't got the balls.

Happy dreaming!

Enocia

Related articles: Losing Myself; Consideration; Non-Judgment and Faith; Be Like a Chair