Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Power of Amnesia

"And he said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live." Exodus 33: 20
I believe I am consciously dreaming through my thoughts, ideas, and beliefs. Not all thoughts are conscious, however. Let's say I have a thought to do something. It could be I have picked up a thought in the collective consciousness. If I were to act upon it without discernment I would be dreaming unconsciously.

Since I'm not always aware of all thoughts, does this mean all thoughts I pick up are made manifest? What about all those ideas that advertisers use to sell their products? Am I picking these up and acting upon them? What if I'm simply staring at pictures on a television screen, for example, and don't want to experience that reality; does this mean just because I have given the news my attention I am dreaming it into reality? Surely there has to be a mechanism to erase thoughts I don't want to dream?

There is an inbuilt mechanism that enables me to erase thoughts, even the ones I'm not conscious of. This mechanism is awareness. I discovered the power of awareness when I used to suffer from migraine attacks.

According to the medical experts, I used to suffer from classic migraine, where I would have the aura and tunnel vision, followed by the actual headache. During the headache I would have stomach upsets and feel awful.

One thing that I never discussed with any doctor was the dual consciousness I experienced during the migraine. Part of me had temporary amnesia. While I was experiencing temporary amnesia, the world stopped having meaning for me. The reason why I couldn't make sense of the world was because I didn't have any concept of memory. While I was in this state, every single moment is discrete and has no connection to the last moment. Since the world works on continuity of memory, it was difficult for me to make sense of it. I knew who my mother was but I couldn't make out who she was as I had no concept of relationships. If you were to ask me what 2 + 2 was I couldn't tell you because I had no idea what numbers were, let alone mathematics. There was no point making conversation because it was meaningless anyway. All I knew was I AM.

The other part of me, in the meantime, would be going through the nightmare of a thumping headache and feeling nauseous and needing to lie down. I would try to do everything I could to alleviate the condition. At first I used to take pills and even injections for the headaches, then I started using spiritual healing. While I was experiencing the headache, the part of me that was total awareness knew nothing of what a headache is. As soon as the headache was gone I would return to my "normal" self that was able to make sense of the world.

Now that partial amnesia was a gift, a reminder of my essence as Being that is incorruptible. Nothing can affect the perfection of Being. Being is totally awake. The irony of Being is I can't experience Being that has no concept of memory and be able to experience a reality that is based on memory. It is impossible.

I'm reminded of Clive Wearing's experience who is suffering from amnesia. Clive is not able to function in the world because he can only remember a few minutes at a time that are instantly wiped out. The only thing he remembers is his love for his wife and music. I wrote about Clive's experience in Living in the Eternal Now.

Back to the questions I posed about whether I dream up everything I put my attention on. I tend to operate in the world from two states of consciousness: the dreamer and Being. As Being, I am constantly erasing the meanings that the thing is supposed to have. In fact, most of the time I watch the news in this way. I simply observe from a state of pure awareness and if you were to ask me what the news was about I couldn't tell you.

I can go about in the world and see things without making connections because in a state of pure awareness each moment has no connection to the last moment. It's only when I want to have an experience that I switch back to myself as the Dreamer.

I am the Dreamer, the creator and sustainer of dreams.
I am Being, the destroyer of dreams.


Related articles: The Dream of Losing and Finding; Emptiness; The One Moment of Now is Like the Sun; Thought Impulses and Detachment; Who is Thinking Whom?; No Time Passes; Living in the Eternal Now; The Creator, Sustainer and Destroyer; Just Say Now; Exploring the Then and Now; Some Thoughts on Telepathy; The Lost Art of Forgetting; Why Blanking is Good for You