Saturday, June 09, 2007

Losing Myself

"All is infinite Mind and its infinite manifestation, for God is All-in-all." Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy
I believe this waking reality, where I am writing this article, is no different from what I experience in a sleeping dream. The only reason why it appears to be different is because when I'm asleep I've completely lost myself compared to when I'm awake when I'm slightly self-conscious. What do I mean by losing myself and being self-conscious?

Well, losing myself means I no longer identify myself as a body but with Mind. That doesn't mean I stop being Enocia, I am simply being Mind, the lucid dreamer who is aware she is in a dream. As Mind, all forms, people and experiences in my dreams are manifestations of thoughts I have in mind. As the lucid dreamer, I can change the dreams in an instant. In the waking dream, however, the moment I am preoccupied with myself as an identity, I've become self-conscious; this means I have stopped being Mind. I am no longer in control of my dreams and now experiencing life in limits.

In this week's Sport magazine (issue #33) Andy Roddick, the American tennis player, discusses how he felt after he was defeated during the first week of Wimbledon last year. For someone who was the former number one, it was a bitter pill to swallow. Once he lost that tournament he went on a downward spiral and lost more tournaments. Roddick said he felt his "self-belief draining away." Roddick continues:

"I was trying to second guess what the other guy was going to do rather than playing my usual game, which is to try to dominate the other player and dictate the match. I'm an instinctive player, but I was thinking to0 much - I was overanalysing." From: "The Comeback Kid" by Simon Kinnersley
Instead of being Mind he had become a self-conscious Andy playing tennis with an opponent. He was no longer in control of the game; according to his belief, so be it.

In the same magazine is an article about Susie Stoddart, who is described as "the most successful woman in motorsport."

"Once I'm driving," she [Susie] once said, "I don't think of myself as a woman. I'm just a driver who wants to win as much as anyone." From: "Girl Racer" by Kevin Hughes
Susie demonstrates what it means to lose the limited sense of self including the beliefs that come with that identity. She has become driving. All things are possible when you are being the driver.

How do I lose myself in the waking dream? By continuing to identify myself as Mind, the lucid dreamer. As Mind, I can see how each experience is an aspect of my identity as Mind.

Yesterday evening I went to the Royal Festival Hall a centre dedicated to the arts that had been closed for refurbishments. This weekend, they are celebrating the buildings' reopening. I was more curious to see what the new building looked like than the actual celebrations. At first glance it didn't look like much had changed. I discussed this with another visitor I met in the lift. She said the changes were subtle. We were both headed for the ladies' toilets that had been moved from the first level to the third level. Next, I headed to the top level that overlooks the River Thames. There was definitely an improvement. They now had comfy sofas and it felt very relaxed. As I soaked in the ambience, I could see that the building had not lost its personality at all, it was a whole lot more.

The building reflects who I am as Mind. Physically I haven't changed that much, but in terms of my personality, I am always in joy. As Mind I am being my true self.

Later in the evening I watched a programme on television about the ballerina Darcey Bussell, who was giving her final performance at the Royal Opera House. Darcy talked about how she loses herself so much in her performance, she doesn't even see the audience. No wonder she is such a brilliant ballerina; she is being the dance itself. She didn't let the fact that it was her final dance ever influence her performance at all. It was business as usual. It was only after she finished that she got emotional.

Whether I am having a sleeping dream or a waking dream I am Mind.


Related articles: Nice to Meet You Too; Identity; A Dream is a Dream is a Dream; Me, Mine, My, Myself and I are One; Dominion; Lucid Dreamer; Let Go and Let All; Gifts of Love; Let Yourself Go; You're Thinking Too Much